Weep Not For Your Memories
by Legendary Super Candyce
Summary: SONGFIC: Quistis contemplates the life of a "friend" while on the way to identify his body.


**Weep Not For Your Memories**

  
_Disclaimer: I don't own Squaresoft or...All right! I don't own anything! Are you happy? *sobs*_   
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Quistis walked up the cargo ramp and into the Ragnarok. She didn't pause to say goodbye to her friends who were gathered outside the plane or say a word to Zell, who had followed her in. She wasn't too happy with any of them. They knew it too, which was obvious by their lack of goodbyes or well wishes. Of course, the mission she was going on wasn't exactly one where well wishes would be needed or wanted. 

The call had come in three days ago. A body had been found behind a bar in Deling City. The locals had recognized him, as would anyone after the Sorceress War. They had immediately called Garden to come and identify him. Headmaster Cid had called Quistis and the others to his office and asked who of them would be willing to go to Deling City and identify the body. Everyone was outraged and would have nothing to do with it. He had been there enemy after all. But he had also been one of them and that was why Quistis had volunteered for the gruesome task. __

  
I will remember you   
Will you remember me?

  


Seifer had been found outside the bar, dead from a gunshot wound to the chest. He had obviously been drunk or the assailant wouldn't have had a chance. It was also obvious that the motive wasn't robbery because Hyperion had been found lying by his side the next day. The police assumed it had been some sort of revenge. It made perfect sense. He had caused the suffering of many while under Ultimecia's rule, but then again, he was being controlled and it wasn't his fault. He definitely didn't deserve to die for his crimes. 

_Don't get ahead of yourself_, Quistis thought, _the reason you are going to Deling is to see if it really is him_. Then as an afterthought, _I hope it's not._

Quistis reached the elevator and rode it up to the cockpit. She could hear Zell hurrying behind her to catch the elevator with her, but she didn't wait for him. He had been the one most vocal about going to identify the body. He had screamed until he was red in the face about how Seifer had betrayed them and had almost killed them several times. Even after five years, the hatred he had for Seifer burned strong. 

The elevator stopped and Quistis stepped off. She walked forward and took her seat in the copilot's chair. While she was perfectly capable of flying the Ragnarok, Cid had insisted that someone come with her incase she was "too shaken up to fly back." She had seen dead bodies before, another one wasn't going to throw her into a psychotic episode. Of course, the other bodies had never been of someone as close as Seifer. __

  
Don't let your life pass you by   
Weep not for your memories

  


Quistis began going through the preflight while Zell hurried into the cockpit. She could tell by the way he stormed in that he was angry with her for not waiting for him, but she didn't care. She wasn't exactly pleased with his actions either. The only way he had agreed to fly to Deling City was if he got a bonus. They had tried to convince Selphie to fly the Ragnarok, but she wanted nothing to do with this particular outing. 

Once the preflight was done, Zell brought the monster-like ship to life. The engines roared as they prepared for takeoff. Quistis calmly fastened her seatbelt and watched as the hangar door opened. After the acquisition of the airship, a hangar had been built into the Garden to house it when not in use. Zell typed in a few commands on the control panel and grabbed the steering device. He expertly guided the ship out of the hangar and brought it to it's desired altitude. He then set the autopilot coordinates to Deling and left the cockpit, mumbling some excuse as to why he was leaving that Quistis didn't listen to. She was glad he was gone. She needed time to think about everything that was happening. __

  
Remember the good times that we had?   
I let them slip away when things got bad

  


Things between her and Seifer hadn't always been as strained as they had been in the last few months before the showdown with Ultimecia. She remembered back at the orphanage, while he had picked on all the rest of the kids, he had never really aggravated her much. They had always been friends in a way with a mutual understanding to leave one another alone. Of course, with the use of the GFs, all those times had vanished into a haze of training and fighting. Luckily for SeeDs, Dr. Odine had found a way to nullify the effects of GFs on the memory and even restore the memories that were lost. She was grateful for that. She didn't want all the memories she had of Seifer to be of him trying to kill her or put her down. 

She remembered the first time she had laid eyes on Seifer Almasy. She had been sitting in the playroom of Edea's orphanage, playing house with the others. She was the mother of course, and Zell, Squall, Irvine and Selphie were her children. She never allowed any of the boys to be the daddy because they were all too young. She remembered that Matron had opened the door and entered, followed by a blonde haired boy with the greenest eyes Quistis had ever seen, even greener than Selphie's. Matron had introduced him as Seifer and had told them that he would be living with them from now on. She had asked that they be nice to him and accept him as a friend. 

After Matron had left, Quistis went up to him and asked him if he wanted to play house with them. He had told her no, house was a girl's game. This of course had sent Zell on a rage, which ended up with him crying to Matron. Quistis ignored him and told Seifer that he could be the daddy. He had smiled then, a bright smile that seemed to light up the room, at least that's how Quistis had remembered it, and had agreed to play with them. __

  
How clearly I first saw you smilin' in the sun   
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one

  


She had never told anybody, but back at the orphanage she had had a crush on Seifer. She always kind of thought he had a crush on her too because he never picked on her. As she thought back, she realized that maybe if he hadn't been so confrontational, so arrogant and cocky, that maybe there could have been something between them. She even realized that the reason she had paid so much attention to Squall was to block out her real feelings for the blonde man who took every opportunity to insult her and demean her authority. If things had been different, if he had tried, maybe she could've even loved him. __

  
I will remember you   
Will you remember me?   
Don't let you life pass you by   
Weep not for your memories

  


She hadn't told anyone, but after the meeting with the Headmaster in which he had assigned this mission, she had gone back to her dorm and cried. Seifer was one of them, he didn't deserve to die alone in a dirty alley behind a dank bar. With the right help and guidance, he could've made one Hell of a SeeD. Now his chance had passed, he was never going to become what he had worked so hard to achieve and had never accomplished. 

_Listen to yourself,_ she scoffed, _you're making him out to be some sort of saint. He was an arrogant bastard who cared about nothing but himself. He cost you your Instructor's License and almost your life. How can you feel sorry for him?_ And yet she did. She had tried so hard to help him become a SeeD, maybe even more so than Squall. Even before she remembered her past with him, she had always felt drawn to him but in a different way than she had been drawn to Squall. Deep down she had always known it wasn't love she had for Squall, but Seifer… Maybe she had been in love with Seifer but had been too scared to admit it, even to herself. __

  
I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to loose   
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose   
Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night   
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light

  


And now he was gone and she could never tell him. It hadn't really been her fault. He had been her student. It would've been inappropriate for her to admit how she felt for him, even if she had dared allowed herself to feel that way. She had never told Squall how she felt because he was her student. It couldn't have been any different with Seifer. 

She turned as the cockpit elevator rose and Zell walked back to his seat. He turned off the autopilot and began to angle the Ragnarok down. Quistis was confused and looked out the window. She was surprised to see the lights of Deling City shining below them. Zell circled once and then landed the Ragnarok on the plains outside the city. Without a word, the two of them exited the ship and made their way into the city. They waited at a corner for a bus and rode it to the Deling City Morgue. The two blondes paid the bus driver and exited the vehicle. Quistis started up to the door of the building, but Zell hung back. 

"I flew you here," Zell started, "but I'm not going in there. I don't want to feel sorry for him." 

Quistis glared at Zell, who stood his ground. Quistis finally nodded and continued into the building by herself. __

  
I will remember you   
Will you remember me?   
Don't let you life pass you by   
Weep not for your memories

  


Inside, the building was painted a pale, ugly green, obviously an attempt to brighten up the spirits of any who entered. The only thing it succeeded in doing for Quistis was making her feel worse. She walked up to the receptionist, who was filing her ruby red fingernails, and waited for the woman to look up at her. 

"Can I help you?" the older woman asked in a nasally voice. 

"Yes," Quistis answered, "I'm Instructor Quistis Trepe of Balamb Garden. I've come to identify a body." 

"Oh right," the woman nodded, "the kid. Good looking man. Was he your boyfriend?" 

"No," Quistis replied, angered by the woman's talk, "he was my student." 

"Student, eh?" The woman looked at her closely. "He doesn't look any younger than you." 

"He isn't," Quistis told her, then corrected herself. "wasn't." She sighed. "Could you please call someone so I can identify the body? I have a busy schedule tomorrow and would like to get back as soon as possible." 

The woman frowned at Quistis' tone and picked up the phone sitting in front of her. She had a brief conversation with someone, then hung up. She smiled coolly at Quistis and went back to filing her bright red nails. A second later, a door in the back of the waiting room opened and a man in his fifties wearing a white lab coat entered. He smiled warmly as he saw Quistis. 

"Miss Trepe?" the man asked. Quistis nodded. "I'm Dr. Shultz. I'm sorry we had to meet under these circumstances." He held out his hand and Quistis shook it cordially. "Well, we don't want to keep you waiting. Right this way." 

The doctor opened the door he had just come through and Quistis followed him through. They walked down a short corridor towards a door at the back. On both sides of the corridor were doors. Most were shut but as Quistis passed she caught a glimpse of an autopsy being performed through one of the open doors. She turned away quickly as the medical examiner lifted the cadaver's heart out and placed it on a scale. She looked at the doctor's white coat and kept her eyes there until they were led through the door they had been heading towards. 

Inside, it was very cold. Along the back of the room were metal drawers that housed the dead bodies. Sitting against the drawers was a single stainless steel table with a sheet covering it. She could tell by the contours of the sheet that a body rested beneath it. The doctor led her over to the table and stopped next to it. __

  
I will remember you   
Will you remember me?   
Don't let you life pass you by   
Weep not for your memories

  


Quistis steeled herself for the inevitable and waited for the doctor to make his move. He looked up at her and waited. She nodded and he pulled the sheet back. She stared at the body on the table, trying hard to keep her emotions under control. 

A single tear rolled down her cheek as she stared at the pale man who lay lifeless on the table. "It's him," she said quietly. __

  
Weep not for your memories

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Sorry this is so long. The song is "I Will Remember You" by Sarah McLachlan. I left out the second verse and a chorus because this fic is already long enough, I didn't want to make it any worse. Hope you like it!!! 


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